The happiest moment of your dreams has come true – you’ve brought a new life into the world. Obviously you’re eager to share your excitement, but your friends, family and coworkers might not be as enthusiastic over children as you are. Here are some tips to make sure everyone enjoys photos of your newborn:

 

Take a photo of your child showing off his or her gun collection.

Make sure your baby isn’t sleeping as you’re taking the picture.

Replace your baby photo with a cat photo.

Mix things up by showing your child using a napkin.

Your baby will look better in each photo if he or she is surrounded by other babies who aren’t as cute.

Place your child on a predatory animal before taking each photo.

Post all your photos on Facebook instead of showing them directly to people so that they’re easier to ignore.

Join the rest of the 21^st century and take a video.

Use Photoshop to make your baby look thinner and more attractive.

Take your baby photos when your child is actually doing something impressive, such as breaking a land speed record or solving a complex mathematical theorem.

Wait about 20 years.

Quit being a fascist and let your child take its own damn pictures.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.