Unless you’re a Mormon, sleep is something you’ll have to do at some point in your life. Scientists have spent over five years learning everything there is to know about sleep, but there’s still so much to discover. He’s a list of some dreamy facts you can sleep on.
1. Eating one solitary grape before bed can cause violent night terrors and intense gastric distress, however eating more than one grape before bed will bring a deep, restful sleep.
2. The term “heavy sleeper” is considered politically incorrect. They prefer the term “sleeper who is weightly challenged.”
3. Sleeping on dirty sheets will give you sex dreams, whereas sleeping on clean sheets will make you dream about going to church.
4. “40 winks” is a term that commonly refers to taking a nap, however the term started as a popular first tactic used by numerous sexual predators.
5. Listening to white noise while falling asleep can erase all your memories from the day before.
6. People who sleep on their right side are more likely to become serial killers.
7. People who sleep on their left side are more likely to be killed in a factory explosion.
8. People who sleep on their backs are more likely to be abducted by aliens in their sleep.
9. People who sleep on their stomachs don’t exist.
10. Every time you lose an hour of sleep, you’re letting the terrorists win.
11. The 19th Century bedtime story “Wynken, Blynken and Nod” actually has nothing to do with sleep. It’s the name of a personal injury law firm in Bedminster, New Jersey.
12. A full night’s rest has the same effect as getting slapped in the face every fifteen minutes throughout the day.
13. Over 90% of conservatives in America report feeling safer sleeping with a gun under their pillow, whereas 90% of liberals in America say they feel safest sleeping with an abortion under their pillow.
14. The Tooth Fairy is real, and she lost all of her teeth to a meth addiction. She steals yours, and then glues them into her mouth until they fall out again.
DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.