Top Cause Of Death In All 50 States (Part 2)

A recent survey found that death is the third most common fear among US citizens, right after nuclear war and spiders. Many Americans feel the need to take precautions against that which can kill them, but more often than not they are ignorant as to which mortal perils are lurking in their area. This list of the most common cause of death in each of the 50 states will help you better understand which dangers to look out for.
Click here for Part 1.

 

1. Minnesota: freezing to death.

2. Georgia: various STD’s from a prostitute named “Peaches.”

3. New York: trampled by Times Square tourists.

4. Iowa: getting lost on your way to Illinois.

5. North Dakota: shot by Canadian border patrol while attempting to illegally flee the United States.

6. Connecticut: alcohol poisoning at a Yale frat house.

7. California: attacked by a shark while sunbathing in a celebrity’s backyard that you snuck onto.

8. North Carolina: injuries acquired during a NASCAR explosion.

9. Hawaii: stepping too close to an active volcano.

10. Wyoming: stepping too close to an active geyser.

11. Kansas: tornadoes.

12. New Mexico: leftover radiation from nuclear weapons tests and the Roswell crash.

13. Louisiana: voodoo curse.

14. West Virginia: complications from inbreeding.

15. Alabama: crushed under the weight of a collapsing Confederate statue.

16. New Jersey: suffering a heart attack in an empty casino where there’s no one around to help.

17. Michigan: not being able to afford clean water.

18. Nebraska: not being white enough.

19. Ohio: choking to death on corn.

20. Tennessee: becoming a megachurch’s sacrificial offering.

21. Nevada: bachelor party.

22. South Dakota: attacked by a bald eagle after defiling Mount Rushmore.

23. New Hampshire: wounds sustained in the Great Vermont-New Hampshire Border War.

24. Colorado: getting stranded on a ski lift that is being operated by someone under the influence of marijuana.

25. Texas: lethal injection after being convicted of a misdemeanor.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

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DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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Killer Advice #08 – Should I Leave My Passionless Marriage?

Hey ladies!! I’m happy it’s Thursday because that means I get to answer another one of your relationship questions.

My question this week comes from Summer from North Dakota. She writes:

 

Question: Dear Brittany, I think I’m beginning to fall out of love with my husband. We’ve been together for nearly twenty years, raised four children together and I thought for so long that he was the love of my life, but both of us have been getting really testy with one another. I’ve this sort of thing happen to other couples my age, it’s like we just get bored of one another. And it’s a difficult situation because I’ve always believed in the endlessness of marriage and the strength of family. So should I go against those beliefs on the chance that I could be happier, or do I stick with it and try harder to work things out?

 

Answer: First of all im really glad you messeged me Summer. I know what its like to feel traped, I spent 6 months in a cage once becose I acsidently spilled wine on the sheik who had just bought me.

One thing you have to keep re minding your self is that your in control of the sitchusation and you are more powerful then him if you choose t obe. So for a sample if you get in to one of youre usaul fights about I dont know something like he wants yuo to get that tattoo of your ex removed or sumthing then you need to put your foot down and say your body your choise. He will probly get mad an thorw somthing at you but if you stand your ground then you prove to him that you are stronger and that your ex really does have ownership over your left thigh.

That bean said I think you need to cut it off. In my exeriance peeple go crazy like that when there with the same persen for more then a month, any longer an your garanteeing homocide. Infact youve probly garanteed it all ready so make sure your the first one to strike. Threten him now so that he oesnt threten you later, if you make the first move then its harder for him to win becose he knows heed be crazy to mess with you. Find out who hes seeing on the side cause in 20 years hes probly had like at least 30 mistresses and say if he comes at you you can use them aganst you in the divorse. He will back off and you could potentially make 30 new girlfriends to bitch abou t him with.

 

Thank you again Summer for your question. For the rest of you, ask me your relationship/life questions in the comments here or reach out to me on Twitter. Who knows, maybe I’ll choose yours for next week! Bye for now! 🙂 ❤

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Brittany von Beuren: @BrittyBeuren

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.