Many Americans have been shopping since yesterday afternoon to take advantage of those irresistible Black Friday deals. To make things a little easier, Circus Killer went ahead and found the best savings out there to make your shopping experience as efficient as possible. Here are the 15 best deals we could find.
1. Item: Apple iWatch (preorder).
Price: 10% off when trading in $300.00
Available at: The Apple store
2. Item: Summer dresses.
Price: 70% off
Available at: JCPenney
3. Item: Human kidney (2 for 1).
Available on: Amazon
4. Item: Cleats for trampling fellow shoppers.
Available at: All Walmart entryways.
5. Item: Leftover turkey.
Available at: ShopRite
6. Item: Deepest sinful desires.
Price: Your eternal soul.
Available at: Any demonic summoning.
7. Item: About three dozen diseases.
Price: For leaving your home.
Available at: All shopping malls.
8. Item: Fondle-Me-Freddie™ (with specially included fingly ticklers).
Available at: Everywhere toys are sold.
9. Item: Brand new Ford F-150
Available at: Select Midwestern dealerships.
10. Item: Red Ryder carbine-action two-hundred shot range model air rifle.
Available in: 1946
11. Item: Basic Instinct on VHS video.
Available at: MovieStop
12. Item: Jar of children’s teeth.
Available on: Craigslist
13. Item: Plans to the Death Star.
Price: The lives of countless Bothan spies.
Available on: Yavin IV.
14. Item: Medium-sized Korean family.
Available at: Target
15: Item: Good, wholesome Christian values.
Available: Everywhere since the Lord is within all of us.
DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.