A GOP funded study was released yesterday that scientifically analyzes the correlation between the acceptance of same sex marriage and signs of the End Times. According to the study, the more homosexuality “bleeds” into a society, the further that society and the entire world will descend into the chaos depicted in the Book of Revelations.
“The results [of this study] are clear,” says Republican representative Don Cahill, one of the leading supporters of the bill that redirected NASA’s funds to make way for this research. “For example, we all know that there are fires in California all the time. California is full of the gays. Is that coincidence? I don’t think so.”
The research was conducted over the past three years by a team of specially selected scientists whose work has been describe by Cahill as “rewriting the book on science,” which he means very literally since they’ve had to change the definition of science in order to pass off their work as such.
“People tell me that societies have gotten along fine with homosexuality,” Cahill continued, “They tell me to look at the Greeks. Well I have and their economy is somehow worse than our own. I don’t know what else you people need.”
Many Americans have spoken out against the study, claiming it shouldn’t be taken seriously and is unscientific. The study’s supporters rebutted by accusing the opposition of being arrogant science-deniers, which everyone in Washington agreed was a pretty interesting change.
No word yet on how this new information might affect the Supreme Court’s recent ruling on same sex marriage, though political analysts are predicting it could somehow lead to a government shut down, which will probably be Obama’s fault.
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