Tensions reached an all-time high for the Malcolm family this morning when family matriarch Wendy Malcolm closed down all passageways in and out of the kitchen. The move stunned the rest of the Malcolm family, who feel that the unprovoked declaration was unjust and is a step in the wrong direction.
Peace in the Malcolm family seemed reachable earlier this week when everyone gathered to celebrate Thanksgiving, but things began falling apart after passive-aggressive arguments over who would go shopping and small altercations between family members of differing political ideologies. Now, many of the Malcolm’s have lost their faith in a dream of a stress-free Thanksgiving.
“It was preemptive and uncalled for,” said Wendy’s brother-in-law Tobias Malcolm. “I get that it’s her house and I respect that, but she’s going about this the wrong way.”
Wendy soon retracted her declaration and released a revised statement that only women were allowed in the kitchen. This further angered the men of the house who now must operate through their wives, mothers and daughters for access to beer. This, according to Tobias and his fellow men, completely defeats the point of daytime drinking.
Within the last hour, Wendy tacked on a clause stating that men were allowed in the kitchen so long as they promised to help out with the cooking in some fashion. The outrage from the men has since died down.
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By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra
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