Massachusetts local Jeffrey Haines is reportedly on the brink of insanity after discovering that various prank shows have been controlling almost every facet of his life. Jeffrey first became suspicious when he appeared on a hidden camera magic show last week.

“I performed this trick where I turn a sandwich into a piglet,” said TV magician Alex Landry. “Basically I go into a sandwich restaurant and make their bacon sandwiches come back to life. I did it to Jeffrey and he was shocked at first, then I explained that he was on a hidden camera show and he started laughing.”

Jeffrey reportedly enjoyed this little bit of fun, but that very same day Jeffrey accidentally wandered onto the set of a completely different hidden camera prank show called “Total Fakeout.”

“Basically we just take over small businesses and mess with people,” said Moira Jimenez, producer of Total Fakeout. “The week that Jeffrey was on we took over a car wash and pretended like we destroyed people’s cars.”

Jeffrey dropped his car off at the car wash, then he went to the sandwich place where he got pranked on the magic show, and when he returned, he found that his car had been destroyed by an internal fire. After getting his initial reaction on camera, the producers of Total Fakeout revealed that it was all just a prank and that his car was fine. After appearing on two prank shows in a row, Jeffrey became uneasy.

Several days later, Jeffrey’s wife of five years sat him down to explain that their marriage had been part of “’Til Ugly Do Us Part,” a hidden camera prank show where paid actors marry unattractive people and see how long it takes for them to find out that the love they share isn’t real. She also revealed that the kids they had together were paid actors as well.

Jeffrey was devastated this morning when he was informed by his doctor that he had terminal cancer and would die in six months, and then somehow even more devastated when his doctor turned out to be an actor on a prank show where fake doctors tell people that they’re going to die.

Jeffrey is reportedly seeking legal action, but he is unaware that every attorney that he’s contacted so far is a paid actor for a hidden camera prank show called “Blind Justice,” where the lawyer pretends to be blind and spills hot liquids all over the client.

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Written by J. S. Wydra

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