12 Facts About ‘Home Improvement’

“Home Improvement” wasn’t just a sitcom about an accident-prone tool salesman raising three kids while making fun of overweight people and being as misogynistic as ABC would allow. It was also a show that defined a generation. Every week, fans would tune in to learn about tools, listen to grunting, and watch a convicted drug mule get injured in a series of easily avoidable accidents. But there’s a lot about the show that even its most diehard fans are unaware of, and some of those things are only just now coming to light. Here are 12 facts you never knew about “Home Improvement.”

 

1. Tim Allen was never told when his character was about to get injured so that his cries of pain and misery would be more authentic.

2. Richard Karn, who played the character “Al Boreland,” wore a fake beard for the entire show. The producers didn’t find out about it until just this past Tuesday.

3. Wilson’s face was never shown because the producers thought that Earl Hindman was too unattractive for television.

4. Pamela Anderson, who played “Lisa” for two seasons, was booted off the show because the producers thought she was too attractive for television.

5. Jonathon Taylor Thomas left the show early in its eighth season to try and start a film career, but that career ended abruptly when his ties to the communist party became public knowledge.

6. During the course of the show, Tim Allen fired twenty-three different production assistants for calling him “Tim Alan.”

7. In order to keep the character “Brad Taylor” looking as authentic and up-to-date as possible, a new Zachery Ty Bryan had to be sculpted out of a high-density polymer every morning before shooting.

8. Every scene of every episode was filmed inside Patricia Richardson’s house.

9. Taran Noah Smith was initially supposed to play “Tim Taylor,” but he ended up having a deadly allergic reaction to tools. Smith was then recast as the character “Mark Taylor.”

10. Even though the show took place in Detroit, most of the actors on “Home Improvement” grew up in Algeria.

11. Tim Allen only agreed to do the show in exchange for a reduced prison sentence.

12. The character Wilson is actually Anunochius, the God of Knowledge, who was banished from The Tower of the Divines for seducing the wife of Tilitak, the Elf King. As punishment, he has been trapped in human form for the last 3000 years where he has been whispering his wisdom into the ears of great men and women and feasting upon the hearts of newborn babies.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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9 Exciting New TV Shows Coming This Fall

Autumn is around the corner, which means the world of television is about to start up again. Many of America’s favorites are returning, but there’s a whole panel of promising new shows coming out this year as well. Here’s a brief list of some of them.

 

Secret Poison – Coming to the Food Network, this show pits four chefs battling head-to-head in a deadly cook-off, only this time the judges take all the risks. One of the chefs is a professional assassin and has poisoned their meal, and the judges have to determine which meal is not the poisoned one before eating it. If they choose right all three rounds, the judges get ten thousand dollars each… but if they’re wrong it’s game over.

Double Time – He was an ordinary scientist trying to solve life’s biggest problem: how to not be late for stuff. Then, the experiment happened, and now he lives every day of his life twice. Now he uses his powers to stop crime, and probably also to reconnect with his daughter or wife or something.

New Earth – It’s a dystopian future where society has collapsed, monsters roam free, and nobody can be trusted. A group of teenagers must band together to survive the harshness of an unforgiving world so they can talk about their feelings. Coming to the CW.

Trump the Chump – CNN’s first game show gives its contestants the ultimate challenge; giving away cash prizes to those who can successful identify and answer questions about President Trump’s lies. New episode every 18 hours.

Comparative Minds – She’s a by-the-book police detective. He’s a quirky genius specialist. Together they make the perfect crime-solving team, as well as a dynamic so cliché that it’ll definitely work.

Mugger Wars – This weekly reality documentary on A&E follows various muggers around New York City as they jump innocent people and steal their personal belongings, then attempt to sell them for cash. It’s all the fun of “Storage Wars,” but more thrilling since it’s illegal.

Long-Haul Lover – This NBC drama tells the story of an average man in America’s heartland whose love for his truck is not accepted by society. Watch this emotional journey that teaches us to fight for what we believe in, question the status quo, and how to properly lubricate a tailpipe.

Bunker Hunters – Coming to HGTV, this show follows the same theme as “House Hunters,” only instead of searching for the perfect home, couples try and find the perfect end-of-days nuclear bomb shelter.

Vampire Lifeguard – An ordinary beach lifeguard has his life turned upside-down when he’s turned into a vampire. Now allergic to the sun, he struggles through his everyday life of keeping the beaches safe while fighting the urge to eat everyone he saves.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

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DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

14 Little Known Behind-The-Scenes Facts About “Game of Thrones”

HBO’s hit series “Game of Thrones” has returned for its seventh season to the delight of everyone around the world except for that one friend of yours who is always quick to tell people that he has no plans on ever watching it. But what is it like on the set of this fantasy masterpiece that has taken the internet by storm and inspired vapid world leaders to think walls do anything? We sent one of our reporters to find out. Check out these 14 facts about the show you didn’t know.

 

1. The actor who plays Samwell Tarly eats 30 hotdogs every morning just to stay out of shape.

2. As a show of devotion, Liam Cunningham cut off his fingers in the middle of his audition for the part of Ser Davos Seaworth.

3. One of the dragons on the show is transgender.

4. More people have died on set than characters have died on the show.

5. The actor who played Grand Maester Pycelle refused to wear anything beneath his robes.

6. The “Iron Throne” was constructed by melting down thousands of spatulas, not swords.

7. Every actor who has played “The Mountain” has had to eat the previous actor who played him.

8. Emilia Clarke was cast as Daenerys Targaryen because she has in fact given birth to lizards.

9. The Wall is not CG. It took three gaffers on the show four thousand years to construct it.

10. Michelle Fairley’s throat really was cut open during the “Red Wedding.” The producers didn’t tell her it was coming so that her reaction would be authentic.

11. Each of the seven kingdoms is filmed on a different continent. Everything east of the “Narrow Sea” was filmed on another planet.

12. The gilded prosthetic hand worn by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau has a rich chocolaty center.

13. The actors who play the Wight Walkers are kept in a frozen meat locker when they’re not shooting.

14. The original opening credits theme song had lyrics that just described how amazing Peter Dinklage is.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

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DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

14 Ways You Can Tell Spring is Coming

Each day we get a little further from winter and a little deeper into spring. It’s easy to tell that this transition is underway not just because it says so on our calendars, but also because of a few natural processes you can observe happening every year. Here are 14 ways to tell that spring is coming.

 

1. Birds have started chirping again, waking you up at 4 in the goddamn morning.

2. Shirtless douchebags have started playing guitar in the quad.

3. You start thinking that “taking a walk” will be fun somehow.

4. Weird vegetable juices are becoming popular again.

5. All that horrible snow turns into all this horrible rain.

6. You start feeling guilty for staying inside and watching TV all day.

7. Your rich neighbor has started talking about his boat more.

8. There’s just this constant sound of children playing, throwing you into a depressive spiral over your lost youth.

9. The sun is setting later so your commute home sucks now.

10. Attractive people have started to wear about 60% less clothing.

11. There’s a resurgence of golf, tennis and other white people sports.

12. Your eyes have begun watering more than you ever thought possible as your nose starts to generate so much snot that you’re wondering if you’re losing weight somehow.

13. Adorable little fuzzy creatures start popping out – more targets.

14. Bugs.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.