Wyatt Shelton, of Brighton, Virginia, has reportedly been plagued by visitations from Poseidon, God of the Sea, over the last several months. Shelton says that his encounters with the Greek god have become a hindrance in his life, and they seem to have no purpose.
“The first time Poseidon appeared to me,” says Shelton, “I was fishing at a lake not too far from my house, and suddenly his head popped up from the water. He told me that he had been slumbering in the lake for a thousand years, and that my fishing was so loud that it woke him up.”
Shelton says he was so flummoxed by the encounter that he wasn’t able to respond.
“Then Poseidon splashed up onto the dock,” he continued, “and he picked up my tackle box and said that I owed him ocean tax, and then he jumped back into the lake with it. I didn’t know what to think, and I never saw that tackle box again.”
Shelton kept the incident to himself and pretended like it never happened, until he was visited again a few weeks later.
“This time he came through my coffee,” Shelton says. “I was driving to work, coffee in hand, when the lid popped off and Poseidon shot out of my cup and into the driver’s seat, spilling coffee everywhere. I was furious.”
According to Shelton, the god then proceeded to talk about an idea for a television show where Poseidon would play himself as a detective who could travel through time and have sex with ghosts.
“He was practically shouting the whole time, so I couldn’t concentrate on my driving. Also the show idea that he pitched wasn’t even a good one. It was a very uncomfortable experience.”
Poseidon made his final appearance last week while Shelton was in the shower.
“He drizzled out of my showerhead and started shampooing my hair while telling me more about all the ghosts he wanted to have sex with on his tv show. I told him that I didn’t like his idea and that he shouldn’t bother me anymore, but I don’t think he got the message.”
Shelton is hopeful that these encounters with the God of the Sea have come to an end, but he is reportedly taking steps to eliminate liquids from his life altogether, just to be safe.
Written by J. S. Wydra
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