9 Exciting New TV Shows Coming This Fall

Autumn is around the corner, which means the world of television is about to start up again. Many of America’s favorites are returning, but there’s a whole panel of promising new shows coming out this year as well. Here’s a brief list of some of them.

 

Secret Poison – Coming to the Food Network, this show pits four chefs battling head-to-head in a deadly cook-off, only this time the judges take all the risks. One of the chefs is a professional assassin and has poisoned their meal, and the judges have to determine which meal is not the poisoned one before eating it. If they choose right all three rounds, the judges get ten thousand dollars each… but if they’re wrong it’s game over.

Double Time – He was an ordinary scientist trying to solve life’s biggest problem: how to not be late for stuff. Then, the experiment happened, and now he lives every day of his life twice. Now he uses his powers to stop crime, and probably also to reconnect with his daughter or wife or something.

New Earth – It’s a dystopian future where society has collapsed, monsters roam free, and nobody can be trusted. A group of teenagers must band together to survive the harshness of an unforgiving world so they can talk about their feelings. Coming to the CW.

Trump the Chump – CNN’s first game show gives its contestants the ultimate challenge; giving away cash prizes to those who can successful identify and answer questions about President Trump’s lies. New episode every 18 hours.

Comparative Minds – She’s a by-the-book police detective. He’s a quirky genius specialist. Together they make the perfect crime-solving team, as well as a dynamic so cliché that it’ll definitely work.

Mugger Wars – This weekly reality documentary on A&E follows various muggers around New York City as they jump innocent people and steal their personal belongings, then attempt to sell them for cash. It’s all the fun of “Storage Wars,” but more thrilling since it’s illegal.

Long-Haul Lover – This NBC drama tells the story of an average man in America’s heartland whose love for his truck is not accepted by society. Watch this emotional journey that teaches us to fight for what we believe in, question the status quo, and how to properly lubricate a tailpipe.

Bunker Hunters – Coming to HGTV, this show follows the same theme as “House Hunters,” only instead of searching for the perfect home, couples try and find the perfect end-of-days nuclear bomb shelter.

Vampire Lifeguard – An ordinary beach lifeguard has his life turned upside-down when he’s turned into a vampire. Now allergic to the sun, he struggles through his everyday life of keeping the beaches safe while fighting the urge to eat everyone he saves.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

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DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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Search for Missing M&M Reaches Third Minute

An M&M was dropped just three minutes ago by divorced scrapbooker Elizabeth Fay. Fay was eating the candy alone in her bed while watching the Food Network when a green M&M missed her mouth and fell to an unknown location.

“Usually when I drop one it’s no big deal. It’ll be on my chest or on the bed next to me, sometimes even the floor. I’ve never gone this long without finding it before.”

Fay’s search initially began with the pat down method, searching for a hard lump between her clothes and her skin. While Fay found a number of lumps in her stomach and breasts, none of them were the missing candy.

“Most of those lumps were inside my body,” said Fay, “which is a disappointment because I thought I may’ve found other candies and treats I lost through the years.”

Fay then checked the bed, the pillow and under the sheets. Still, the candy could not be found. Determined, Fay so much as removed herself from the bed and ran her hands through the sheets.

“That time I did find other food items I’ve lost over the years,” said Fay. “None of them were M&M’s, however, and none of them green. I mean, a lot were green, but none that were supposed to be.”

It was then that Fay got on her hands and knees to inspect the floor around and under the bed. Still, nothing.

“At that moment I began questioning everything I knew about reality,” said Fay. “Did I really drop the M&M? Was it really green? What was I even eating? Was my husband an M&M, is that why he left me?”

Three minutes in and Fay has torn her bedroom apart in search of the missing candy. It seems like a hopeless cause, but then again so does Fay.

 

By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.