Fox News Correspondent Not Sure What Slant To Put On Story About Transgender Muslim Police Dog

Fox News correspondent Hunter Toddson found himself in hot water on Monday when he accidentally stepped onto a geyser that had opened up in his pro-fracking town. Yesterday, however, Toddson found himself in metaphorical hot water when he had to produce a news story for his local Fox station about a transgender Muslim police dog who rescued a small child from a fire.

“At Fox we put stories into two categories,” he said. “The first is the Light Group, which is stories that promote traditional values, American heroes, our suave and intelligent President, anything we want to shed a light on to show how great this nation is. The second group is the Dark Group, which is stories about immigrants committing crimes, liberal college professors spilling food, people who have choked to death on socialism, or other terrors in this country lurking in the shadows that we have to report on.”

Toddson says that this particular news story fits into both the Light Group and the Dark Group and he wasn’t sure how to handle it.

“Any story about a dog, the third most American animal behind eagles and freshwater salmon, belongs in the Light Group. Combine that with the fact that this dog is an authority figure that dashed into a burning building and you got yourself a solid positive slant story. But on the other hand, transgenderism and anything having to do with non-Christian faiths is clearly a Dark Group story.”

As more details about the incident unfold, Toddson found his decision became increasingly difficult.

“It turns out the dog’s parents were both immigrants, which ordinarily would put this story in the Dark Group. But the dog also served in Afghanistan, which is a Light Group trait. The dog also turned out to be a Trump supporter, which is Light, but I just found out that the dog is female. I just don’t know what to do.”

Toddson says he will likely toss the entire story and instead write a piece about the firefighter who stood up for his religious rights by heroically refusing to put out that same fire because it was in an atheist’s apartment.

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra

Want to write for this site? Click here to learn how to contribute.

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

Advertisements

14 Little Known Behind-The-Scenes Facts About “Game of Thrones”

HBO’s hit series “Game of Thrones” has returned for its seventh season to the delight of everyone around the world except for that one friend of yours who is always quick to tell people that he has no plans on ever watching it. But what is it like on the set of this fantasy masterpiece that has taken the internet by storm and inspired vapid world leaders to think walls do anything? We sent one of our reporters to find out. Check out these 14 facts about the show you didn’t know.

 

1. The actor who plays Samwell Tarly eats 30 hotdogs every morning just to stay out of shape.

2. As a show of devotion, Liam Cunningham cut off his fingers in the middle of his audition for the part of Ser Davos Seaworth.

3. One of the dragons on the show is transgender.

4. More people have died on set than characters have died on the show.

5. The actor who played Grand Maester Pycelle refused to wear anything beneath his robes.

6. The “Iron Throne” was constructed by melting down thousands of spatulas, not swords.

7. Every actor who has played “The Mountain” has had to eat the previous actor who played him.

8. Emilia Clarke was cast as Daenerys Targaryen because she has in fact given birth to lizards.

9. The Wall is not CG. It took three gaffers on the show four thousand years to construct it.

10. Michelle Fairley’s throat really was cut open during the “Red Wedding.” The producers didn’t tell her it was coming so that her reaction would be authentic.

11. Each of the seven kingdoms is filmed on a different continent. Everything east of the “Narrow Sea” was filmed on another planet.

12. The gilded prosthetic hand worn by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau has a rich chocolaty center.

13. The actors who play the Wight Walkers are kept in a frozen meat locker when they’re not shooting.

14. The original opening credits theme song had lyrics that just described how amazing Peter Dinklage is.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

Want to write for this site? Click here to learn how to contribute.

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.