30 Common Phobias

Everyone is afraid of something, whether it’s being in the dark, being alone, or being hit on by an octogenarian. There are so many different kinds of fears and phobias that it can be a little difficult to keep track of them all. Here is a list of the thirty most common phobias in the United States.

 

Autoincosophobia – The fear of getting hit by a car while indoors.

Millenophobia – The fear of young people.

Agoraphobia – The fear of Al Gore.

Fakillnesophobia – The fear of gluten.

Americophobia – The fear of getting shot.

Holicrapophobia – The fear that a sinkhole will open up in your bathroom while you’re sitting on the toilet.

Commerciophobia – The fear of being unable to skip, mute, or otherwise ignore an advertisement.

Phobophobia – The fear of developing an irrational fear.

Phobophobophobia – The fear of developing the fear of developing an irrational fear.

Protophobophobophobia – The fear of encountering something that might cause the development of the fear of developing the fear of developing an irrational fear.

Aloforevophobia – The fear of never landing a second date.

Enbeesiophobia – The fear that your favorite television show will get canceled.

Selleckophobia – The fear of exceptional mustaches.

Coulrophobia – The fear of being cool.

Marmotophobia – The fear of getting trapped in a “Groundhog Day” loop.

Pauppophobia – The fear of making eye contact with a poor person.

Netflexpirophobia – The fear that a movie or show you want to watch on Netflix will expire before you get the chance to watch it.

Ufophobia – The fear of being abducted by aliens.

Claustrophobia – The fear of Santa Claus.

Flatuvatophobia – The fear of farting in an elevator.

Arachnophobia – The fear of Iraq.

Forforforophobia – The fear that Wendy’s will take away their “4 for 4” deal.

Notextophobia – The fear that someone dislikes you because they didn’t promptly text you back.

Movonophobia – The fear that your ex is doing better than you.

Procrastophobia – The fear that you’ve been putting something off for too long.

Digifilinophobia – The fear that your body is a robotic skin-suit that is being controlled by a group of highly intelligent housecats.

Chipotelophobia – The fear of chipotle (the spice, not the restaurant).

Chitolepophobia – The fear of Chipotle (the restaurant, not the spice).

Gamothronesophobia – The fear of nudity.

Drumpfophobia – The fear that you’re about half has intelligent as you think you are, and that everyone is secretly laughing at you.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

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DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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13 Tips for Trick-or-Treat Safety

Trick-or-treating is been a favorite Halloween tradition among youngsters ever since the 13th century B.C.E. Unfortunately, however, it has become one of the most dangerous activities for children ever since the white man invaded sacred ground, so follow these 13 tips for a safe night of looting your neighbor’s homes for sugar and the worst thing you’ll get this year is a bellyache!

 

1. Dress up as a giant ball of light so you can be seen by oncoming traffic.

2. Make sure everyone in your company is trick-or-treating with police dogs that can sniff out any tampered candy.

3. It’s a little-known fact that clowns are terrified of sawdust, so in the wake of recent “killer clown” sightings across the country it’s a good idea to cover yourself in sacks of sawdust.

4. Litter your neighborhood with landmines so if you ever get chased by a maniac you can lead them to their unwitting demise.

5. Wear a thick, heavy raincoat. Climate Change could strike at any moment.

6. Millions of American children die in accidents every year because they text while trick-or-treating. Don’t be one of them.

7. Get all your trick-or-treating done before sundown. You’ll get the best candy, be much safer and give your classmates something to laugh about.

8. On Halloween you’re just as susceptible to germs as ever, so dress up as a bar of soap.

9. If you’re an adult concerned about the safety of neighborhood children, pick a young trick-or-treater and follow him or her around in your car all night.

10. Avoid trick-or-treating at houses of Clinton supporters, you’re liable to get healthy treats.

11. Avoid trick-or-treating at houses of Trump supporters, you’re liable to get shot.

12. Just buy candy.

13. Murder clowns and serial killers are out there, be always stay vigilant for the real killer of Halloween – diabetes.

 

By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.