Grave Robber Guiltily Reduces Self to Grave Loiterer

Dalton Parsons, a Kentucky small-town creep and lifelong admirer of dead things, was recently struck by a bout of self-reproach over his morbid hobbies. Parsons frequently snuck into local cemeteries to exhume freshly dead corpses and remove any valuables that might have been buried along with the deceased, which for Parsons came with the added bonus of being able to look at a dead guy for some time.

Recently, however, Parsons has lost his appetite for the necrotic and has found pleasure in just hanging around graveyards for a bit. While still creepy, many are relieved by Parsons’ change in habit. Among them was Heaven’s Hill Cemetery caretaker Samuel Walsh.

“Don’t get me wrong,” said Walsh, “it’s still super creepy. If I could prove anything I’d have that weirdo locked up for life. At least he’s not damaging anything now.”

Police won’t do anything about Parsons because it’s rumored that making eye contact with the deviant can cause one’s hair to fall out. For now, residents will have to hope that Parsons continues to keep to himself and ride out his sudden remorse to a place of normality.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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