Having one’s identity stolen has become a common issue in the digital age. Many people have their identity or credit information stolen without their knowledge. Here are a few ways you can keep this from happening to you:

 

1. If you leave your computer unattended, make sure you log out of everything and set up some sort of trip wire and poison dart booby trap.

2. Trust no one. Someone you know might actually be a hacker using one of those masks from the Mission Impossible movies.

3. Don’t open any emails from people you don’t know, unless they’re offering you money just by clicking a link. That’s easy cash.

4. Most homeless people are secretly tech-savvy scam artists who can analyze your DNA from the money you give them. Never help the homeless.

5. You can simply purchase a firearm to keep you and your family safe from hackers.

6. Kill any bug or spider you see. They might actually be tiny robots being controlled by someone gathering intelligence on you.

7. Often ordinary people will have their lives taken over by shapeshifting witches. You can ward them away with bibles, holy water and Proactiv.

8. Eat lots of carrots. They improve your vision and increase your chances of spotting a hacker from a distance.

9. Sometimes scammers will give you an amazing but fake offer over the phone, such as a unique investment opportunity or a refund for your purchase of “The Pink Panther 2” on DVD. Remember, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

10. Never give out your social security number if you happen to be among the 4% of Americans who know their social security number.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.