99.9% of Germs Occupying Woman’s Stomach in Protest of the .1%

An onslaught of diseases and bacteria have gathered within the stomach of Oregon resident Joan Ortega in protest of the .1% of germs that sanitizers and cleaning agents won’t wipe away. Joan became aware of the aggressive movement on Monday after a series of aggressive movements occurring within her own digestive tract over the weekend.

The “Occupy A Stomach” campaign is a grassroots organization that aims to bring to light the inequality between the .1% of germs that are too powerful to be kept at bay with traditional sanitizers, and the 99.9% that don’t have the opportunity to cling to people’s hands and other surfaces. The campaign has grown into a huge success due to the use of infections that have gone viral.

Joan’s stomach was chosen as the site for the protest because of her weak constitution. She has been attempting to subdue the protesters by hosing them down with broth and ginger ale, but so far this hasn’t discouraged the germs. The .1%, on the other hand, has not taken any action against the Occupy movement since most of those germs are presently killing Joan from the inside out.


Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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