Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior of all mankind, found Himself in a state of melancholy today when none of His friends showed up for his birthday party this Christmas morning.  The Son of God invited all 2,316,077,413 Christians to the kingdom of Heaven for his birthday bash, but none made the decision to leave Earth.

The Lord Christ reportedly gave the Christian populace an ample 2,000 years to make time for his party but few actually sent in an RSVP.  Many Christians instead selfishly spent this day with their families.

Additionally, Jesus witnessed the majority of Earth’s Christians using their time today to visit church.  Christ found Himself insulted by this since a large percentage of those Christians haven’t attended church any other day this year.

Christ was forced to spend His birthday with friends of His that He’s seen every day since the beginning of eternity.  Among them are Moses who it’s impossible to order food for, Ronald Reagan whose failsafe conversation topic is bodybuilding which Christ finds super annoying, and Grilligop Zorgak of the Malitraxis System whose Fardopsis feelers are just too difficult to look at on some days.

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
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By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

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