Mississippi will no longer be the only state in the nation to have laws forbidding brown-eyed people from marrying blue-eyed people, as it was announced early this morning that a Mississippi state judge declared the ban unconstitutional. This announcement shocked many Mississippians who pride themselves on the purity of their family’s iris pigmentation.

“It ain’t unconstitutional if it’s a fact,” said Mississippian Jack Pikiwallace. “Brown-eyed folk got their own standard of living just as blue-eyed folk has theirs. Once you start mixing them it can only lead to trouble, that’s been a proven fact.”

The Honorable Bailee Frankfurt, who was the judge responsible for the decision, has been receiving an unrelenting slew of death threats since this morning. Bailee became the youngest and most pregnant judge in the state’s history when she won the position last July in a church raffle, as is Mississippi tradition.

“I just think it’s about time we catch up with rest of America,” said Judge Bailee. “The thing is I don’t see color. Mostly that’s because of when that needle got stuck in my eye because the doctor holding it was jonesing real bad, but I mean that like the colors we’re concerned about are on your eye as well and you can’t see your own eye, so what’s the problem?”

Rumor has it that Mississippi, also known as “The Confederate State,” might also be repealing laws that forbid washing all dark colored clothing together, the selling of more than one color of M&M in the same package, and mixed nuts.

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
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By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

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