The St. Augustine Catholic Church in Oklahoma became the first religious establishment in the world to offer drive-thru confessions with its revolutionary “absolve-and-go” window that opened yesterday.
“I think it’s a terrific idea,” said local resident Dawn Chaffee who hadn’t been to a confessional in over 10 years. “I stopped going because I got so busy, what with the McGriddle and all. This way I can just drive up and ask for forgiveness without even leaving my car.”
The church’s head priest, Monsignor Faraday, claims he got the idea while running errands that included stopping at the bank, drug store, baldness treatment clinic, and finally a fast food restaurant for lunch. All of these places were drive-thru accessible; Faraday never had to leave his car.
“You don’t have to get out of your car for food, money, drugs or hair-plugs,” said Faraday. “Why should you have to leave your car for Jesus?”
The St. Augustine church has already seen a tremendous increase in church attendance within just one day of opening the absolve-and-go window. Monsignor Faraday has reportedly had a difficult time keeping up with the influx of sinners.
“In order to cope we’re thinking of opening a second window,” said Faraday. “We’ll try to have it installed sometime next month as a ‘10 sins or fewer’ express window.”
Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra
DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.