Early Yesterday Morning the United States was invaded by a snow-tastrophe of epic proportions. Citizens in the northeast of the US were hit hardest and have been fighting off the harsh winds and deadly snowflakes on their own, up until this morning when President Barack Obama ordered troops to be deployed to the region and aid in the fight against this wintery hell.

“We can not give in to these frigid demands,” said the President during a press conference this morning. “I will not allow this great nation to be held captive under the cold boot of wet, flakey tyranny.”

An emergency meeting of Congress was called to determine whether or not the President’s breech of Posse Comitatus was justified, however the meeting devolved into an argument about global warming.

“Of course the President was in the wrong,” said Republican senator Jack Geller, “but we have to keep in mind that Al Gore was even wronger! The world is getting colder, not hotter. Also, I wasn’t quite paying attention, what did the President do again and why are we here for?”

So far it is too early to tell if the President’s decision has had any effect on the weather, but many citizens of the east coast appear to believe that military action has played out positively. This according to posts on social media sites, since everyone in the area is snowed in and cannot give us an interview.

According to local sources, troops have been firing at the snow in residential areas all morning, however the snow appears to be fighting back. It has been reported that the snow takes out one American soldier for every 15,000 flakes destroyed, although this number cannot be confirmed.

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
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By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

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