Recently it was discovered that the footballs used by the Patriots to win the AFC championship were not inflated to regulation standards. Blame fell to quarterback Tom Brady, who during a press conference denied having an active part in the scandal. To honor their beloved sports hero, fans of the New England Patriots spent the weekend denying everything that they could.
Ryan O’Leary, of Boston, was one such man. Brian was pulled over for driving through a red light at a busy intersection. When asked why he did this, Ryan denied both seeing the light and knowing what it was for.
Another of these fans was Meagan McMurphy, also a Boston native, who denied knowing what handicap parking spaces are for and that parking meters needed quarters to work.
Other Patriots fans are copying their athletic idol by providing detailed descriptions of the state of their balls. Patrick Kirkpatrick, the head of a small distribution company in Boston, called a staff meeting early this morning to talk to his employees about proper ball maintenance.
“Make sure your balls are fully functional before handling them,” Kirkpatrick said. “If your balls aren’t up to standards then put them away and use a friend’s.”
Many children who look up to Tom Brady as a role model have begun taking after the quarterback as well. On average, a record low 11% of grade school students in Boston did not turn in any homework today, claiming to have not known that anything was due. This is a dramatic drop compared to the average of 26% of Boston grade school students who turn in homework regularly.
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