Many Americans still don’t have access to healthcare,  chiefly because of Obama.  This has forced the majority of Americans to come up with their own solutions to common health-related issues.  Here are 12 of the most effective ways to stay alive and healthy without being on any health insurance plan.

 

1. Needles can actually go bad and can be expensive to replace.  Sharing with a friend can cut down on costs.

2. Stress can cause sickness,  so avoid stressful situations by not going to work.

3. Hospitals are always in need of organs,  so if you ever need surgery tell your operator that it’s fine to take a kidney or two as payment.

4. Don’t forget,  you can always sue your doctor for malpractice.

5. Chicken noodle soup is an excellent remedy for colds and the flu.  The broth helps to clean out your system,  the ingredients contain helpful vitamins and minerals and it helps you understand what to expect when you become old.

6. Call Michael Moore,  he might put you in his next movie.

7. Eastern medicine works as long as you’re willing to disregard reality.

8. Exercising,  eating healthy and making safe decisions like buckling your seat belt are all things that don’t prevent terminal illnesses.

9. There are open heart surgery tutorials you can check out on YouTube.

10. Medication can be really expensive so you can totally sell your prescription meds to help with the rent.

11. When you get sick,  be sure to drink plenty of liquids,  eat plenty of solids and inhale lots of gasses.

12. When all else fails,  turn to prayer.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.