This past NFL season was the least watched in nearly a decade. Some sports experts speculate it’s because of the election while others say it’s simply the work of nerds. Regardless, if the NFL wants increased viewership then it’ll need to think of a few new ways to spice up the game. Here’s some ideas from a sports outsider.
1. The opening coin toss could be replaced with a pistol duel between two fans.
2. At any time during the third quarter, a player on the losing time can invoke his “sedan privilege” and play the next three plays in a four-door sedan.
3. Landmines can be scattered throughout every field intermittently.
4. At the start of the fourth quarter a small herd of zebras will be released onto the field. They won’t do anything; the players will just have to keep playing around them.
5. Get boobs into the game somehow.
6. Start a reality show featuring the player’s wives.
7. Start a reality show where players from different teams have to live under one roof.
8. Start a reality show where the referees and players swap wives.
9. Turn the whole sport into a reality show.
10. Do those slow-motion instant replays whenever a camera catches one player smacking another player’s butt.
11. Referees could throw down different colored flags that mean different things. They could throw down a blue flag, for example, to show that it’s about to rain or snow, or a red flag to say that they’re hungry.
12. Require each player to know a modicum of kung fu.
13. Let John Malkovich narrate every game but keep poking him with a stick so he gets increasingly agitated.
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