Worldwide Soda Shortage Reaches Third Week

The planet has been in an international soda recession since the start of December, and there seems to be no sign of a turn around. Researchers studying the world’s soda deposits say that humans are using up the substance at a rate that production can’t keep up with.

There is still some speculation in the scientific community as to whether or not “peak soda” has been reached. This term was originally coined in 1956 during another soda shortage, and it refers to the point at which the rate of consumption exceeds the rate of distribution – it is the point when the Earth’s soda deposits begin to dry up permanently.

Despite Coca-Cola and Pepsi Cola’s assurances that we have not reached the point of “peak soda,” pop refineries across the world have been shutting down almost daily. Neither company has released a statement on how greatly the shortage is affecting their respective businesses, but everyone across the world has noticed the price of soda skyrocketing in recent years. In some locations of the country, 16 ounces of pop can cost upwards of $2.50, compared to the mere 5¢ of the early 1950s.

The crisis was magnified last week when a Coca-cola ship crashed and breached, spilling hundreds of thousands of gallons of crude soda into the Gulf of Mexico. Marine biologists are still calculating the damage that this disaster has had on nearby oceanic life, but much of this damage can already be seen. Many fish and crustaceans have been spotted breaking out into zits while a large number of sharks appear to be developing cavities at an alarming rate.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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