Hollywood’s darkest night occurred yesterday when the best of the American movie industry offered itself to be sacrificed for the production of film.

The tradition began 87 years ago during the worst film shortage in history. Producers realized it would be cheaper and more efficient to make film out of human skin, so the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences devised a system to determine which stars and filmmakers have reached their prime so that they can make the ultimate sacrifice for the industry to continue.

Some Hollywood big shots are against this ritual, arguing that the film shortage ended shortly after this tradition began. Among them was Eddie Redmayne who won the Oscar last night for “Best Actor.” Redmayne had to be carried off of the stage screaming when he tried to speak out against the practice during his speech.

The underrepresentation of black people at the Oscars sparked debate when the nominees were announced, at which point the AMPAS claimed that lighter skin is “just easier to work with, as long as it’s a little tan.” This is why three Oscars were awarded to Alejandro González Iñárritu, whose skin will be used to make three films this year.

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By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

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