12 Oscar Facts You Never Knew

The Oscars are this Sunday and the buzz has already started. Millions of Americans will be switching on their TVs to see their favorite stars, glitzy performances, and those nerds who win “Sound Design” or whatever.  But there are some things about the Academy Awards that you might not know, for example that the Academy Awards and the Oscars are the same thing.  Here are 12 more insane facts about the Oscars:

 

1. The first Oscar statues were anatomically correct. The non-gender-conforming model that is used today is the result of a petition by Jane Fonda.

2. Initially the Academy Awards ceremony began as a means of thinning out the Hollywood elite. Winners would be killed and have their skin converted into film.

3. Oscars are only coated in gold. They’re dark chocolate on the inside.

4. It is expected that by the year 2050, the “Best Picture” category will hold 35 nominees.

5. “Oscar Sunday” is one of the biggest days for gambling. People bet on everything from who will win certain awards to which actresses will cry the most to whether or not James Franco is wearing underwear.

6. Steven Spielberg is given an Award for “Best Director” every year.

7. 84% of men say they only watch the Oscars for the dresses.

8. Leonardo DiCaprio gave a poor tip to a gypsy who was working as a waitress. She cursed him, and he has never won an Oscar since.

9. It is rumored that the Academy will host a second awards ceremony next year that will be exclusively for minorities. The two ceremonies will be completely separate, but still equal.

10. Most winners are actually determined by a psychic octopus.

11. Every time NBC hosts the Oscars, they get cancelled mid-ceremony.

12. Nicolas Cage has won more Oscars than anyone else in film history, and film future.

 

By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

Oscar Winners Led Off Stage to Have Bodies Recycled into Film

Hollywood’s darkest night occurred yesterday when the best of the American movie industry offered itself to be sacrificed for the production of film.

The tradition began 87 years ago during the worst film shortage in history. Producers realized it would be cheaper and more efficient to make film out of human skin, so the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences devised a system to determine which stars and filmmakers have reached their prime so that they can make the ultimate sacrifice for the industry to continue.

Some Hollywood big shots are against this ritual, arguing that the film shortage ended shortly after this tradition began. Among them was Eddie Redmayne who won the Oscar last night for “Best Actor.” Redmayne had to be carried off of the stage screaming when he tried to speak out against the practice during his speech.

The underrepresentation of black people at the Oscars sparked debate when the nominees were announced, at which point the AMPAS claimed that lighter skin is “just easier to work with, as long as it’s a little tan.” This is why three Oscars were awarded to Alejandro González Iñárritu, whose skin will be used to make three films this year.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

5 Amazing Films That Were Snubbed Out of Oscar Nominations

2014 was an amazing year for film, but many of the year’s best were not recognized by the Academy. Here are 5 movies you should see that were cheated out of Oscar nominations.

 

Title: Carts
Synopsis: This animated feature about Harry the Shopping Cart touched the hearts of families across the world. Harry is tired of being pushed around at his grocery store, and when an opportunity arises for Harry to move to a megastore he rolls around out of joy. But this new job isn’t what it seems… soon Harry finds himself missing his grocery store pals and after a few mistakes and misadventures he learns about the true power of friendship. This film set the record for most times the phrase “pushed around” was used.

 

Title: Civil Rights Movie
Synopsis: From the people who brought you Lincoln, 12 Years a Slave, The Butler, and Selma, comes this biopic of another Civil Rights activist whose life was greatly impacted by racism and discrimination at some point in America’s history before Obama was elected, but who ultimately overcomes these obstacles and helps to change America’s thinking on the topic of race. Through the story of one person’s life, “Civil Rights Movie” shines a light on the harsher reality of racism in America that we are only reminded of when it’s Oscar season or when the police are in the news.

 

Title: The Sister of the Christ
Synopsis: Zooey Deschanel stars in this dramatic retelling of Jesus’ twin sister Jebra Christ who has the same abilities as her brother but whose second X chromosome forbids her from being accepted among the ancient Jewish people. Jebra attempts to overcome sexual discrimination and take her rightful place as the co-savior of the human race while constantly having to avoid being stoned to death. This feminist masterpiece uncovers the truth behind the Christ family and tells us that we can achieve the respect of our ignorant peers, even if we have amazing breasts.

 

Title: Whispers of Freedom
Synopsis: An American soldier fighting for freedom in Afghanistan is the best soldier in his squad, but when we learn halfway through that his son died and his wife has cancer we start to realize that this soldier is just like the rest of us only he actually gets to shoot people. As he fights to protect our freedom and sovereignty America Ford rights of the liberty with Declaration united drone strike freedom for the troops one nation under God for the star-spangled sovereignty nation America. Amen.

 

Title: Windex Woman
Synopsis: Wilma Whittle was an average cleaning lady at a Best Western, but when she accidentally spills a bottle of radioactive Windex on herself, Wilma discovers she has the incredible ability to keep surfaces clean and free of most germs using only her bare hands. Wilma’s powers are soon put to the test when an evil force unmasks itself and a plot to create smudges on the surfaces of the Guatemalan ambassador’s hotel furniture emerges. Wilma will have to learn how to control her powers and accept the responsibility that the Fates of Cleanliness have given her.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.