Welcome to this week’s edition of “Celeb Watch,” the internet’s number one celebrity gossip blog you’ve never heard of. Here’s what’s happening this week in the lives of people more important than you:
1. Harrison Ford Beaches Submarine
Last week, actor Harrison Ford crashed a small plane on a golf course while flying it recreationally. The star of films such as Star Wars and Blade Runner made a speedy recovery and was released from the hospital a few days later, however early this morning Ford reportedly beached a small one-man submarine on a shore just outside of Los Angeles. Early reports say that the actor will probably be okay, however authorities have begun impounding his vehicles so that he doesn’t wreck anything else when he is released from the hospital. The state of California might suspend his driving license, boating license, piloting license, spaceship license and horse license pending a hearing sometime this month, according to some reports.
2. Kim Kardashian Comes Out as Blond
Kim Kardashian shocked some of her fans this week when she revealed that she is actually a blonde. The announcement was made via social media when Kim posted several images of her true self via Instagram. Many of her friends and family say they have always suspected this about Kim but didn’t want to address it until she was comfortable enough to say it first. No word yet on how this might affect her modeling career or acting career or whatever it is that she does exactly, but so far her fans and the blonde community have been nothing but supportive.
3. Justin Bieber Publishes Dissertation on Swagger
And lastly for this week, Justin Bieber has published his dissertation on swagger, titled “The Nature of Swag, Girl,” which he wrote to receive his doctorate in music. The young pop sensation has been trying to earn his doctorate from Turnt University for several years now and hopes to become the next big doctor of music since Dr. Dre. Some time this summer, Bieber will have to defend his dissertation in front of a panel of seasoned musicians who include Christina Aguilera, Adam Levine, Blake Shelton and Pharrell Williams.
That’s it for gossip this week. Check back this Tuesday for more and every other weekday for other stories.
Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
Research by Brittany von Beuren: @BrittyBeuren
Written by Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra
DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.