The year’s Halloween spirit is threatened by a number of angry spirits – many American ghosts have been speaking out against the capitalization of Halloween. Specters across the nation are convinced that the holiday has more to do with candy sales than it does with scaring the living.
“It’s become an abomination,” says Winston Montgomery III, former owner of a Virginia mansion who was murdered in his bedroom in 1938 and haunts the grounds to this day. “Scaring people on Halloween night used to be a time-honored tradition that I looked forward to year after year. Now I can’t so much as move a utensil or appear in a mirror without a five-year-old dressed as a superhero or a princess showing up at the door every five minutes.”
Many ghosts and ghouls are blaming candy manufacturers for the change in the holiday’s traditions. Workers at chocolate factories and candy stores across the nation have been receiving death-threats all month long, which haven’t been taken seriously since the people making these threats are proof that death isn’t really a big deal.
The dead decided to make their plight public over the weekend by attempting to organize a march in Chicago, but this proved fruitless since most of them didn’t have legs.
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