Area Woman Knows This Likely Last Year She Can Get Flu Shot

With healthcare uncertainty around the horizon millions of Americans could soon find themselves uninsured. Vaccinations, booster shots and prescription medications could soon become luxury items.

Some Americans, like Aditya Bhurin of Virginia Falls, Kentucky, are trying to find a bit of light in the coming darkness. Aditya says she’s “making the best” of what might be the last flu shot of her life.

“There’s no reason I can’t make this fun,” said Aditya. “I mean, I know it’s hard to make fun out of anything with needles, unless you’re either in 1970’s New York or a modern day Ivy League school, but I want to make this memorable.”

Aditya entered her local Rite Aid with a GoPro strapped to her head to document the experience for future generations. Other Rite Aid customers noted Aditya’s confidence as she marched to the pharmacy in the back.

“You never see that anymore,” said one customer. “I do all my shopping here ever since being banned from Eckerd for a sex thing, but even there no one’s ever excited to get poked with something.”

Aditya took commemorative selfies with every pharmacist, all of whom were simply relieved to get a brief respite from dealing with downers only here to fill anti-depression prescriptions.

“I’ve injected a lot of things into a lot of people,” said pharmacist David Koh, “but never have I had a patient so thrilled to get deceased microbes administered into their left arm.”

Aditya reportedly convinced a pharmacist to inject her with multiple flu shots for multiple different strains in the hope that this would fend off ailments in the medicine-absent future that America is heading towards.

 

By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

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DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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New Study Shows Vaccines May Prevent Diseases, FOX News Says

Earlier this week, a group of FOX News reporters affirmed that receiving vaccinations might in fact help to prevent the spread of deadly diseases such as measles and tuberculosis. This came as a shock to many FOX News viewers, who until then had constantly been told that the purpose of vaccinations was to cause autism.

“It’s just unbelievable,” said long-time FOX News watcher Cherry Gunderson. “It’s always been known that immigrants invented vaccines to give our children autism, but to think they’ve accidentally been curing us, too? It’s incredible.”

The report aired on FOX’s new and wildly successful show, “FOX TOX,” in which four reporters sit around for an hour reading news stories from other networks and talking about whether or not they believe in them, because that’s what reporting is now.

The reporters came to the conclusion that vaccines can prevent certain diseases upon discovering that this was a claim made by the CDC, which they all assumed stood for Christian Doctors for Christ. The reporters also made the claim that autism “isn’t really a bad thing, as long as your beliefs in autism don’t conflict with real American values.”

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.