Every business has a few secrets they don’t want you to find out, but we at the Circus Killer News investigative team know how to take out our truth-shovels and start diggin’. Here’s what we discovered about some of the most popular restaurant chains:

 

Chipotle uses expired meat to give you just the right amount of upset stomach.

Contrary to popular belief, there are no Popeye’s restaurants in Louisiana.

Wendy’s only hires redheads.

Upon his father’s death, Sherman Muldoon inherited the world’s largest breadstick quarry. He started Olive Garden as a means of emptying it.

All Chick-fil-a chickens are baptized before being slaughtered.

Ruth’s Chris Steak House offers a menu of only human meat starting at $35,000 per plate.

IHOP was founded by Apple.

Every creature in the lobster tank at Red Lobster is sentient.

KFC still uses slave labor; all of their food is made in overseas sweatshops by indentured workers.

Half of the money Froyo makes goes to anti-LGBTQ activists.

In-N-Out Burger secretly makes their burgers side-to-side.

Originally, the slogan McDonald’s used was “I’m accepting it.”

Abraham Joules was sitting under an apple tree and thinking about how to make bars lamer and more family friendly when an apple fell on his head as a bee stung him at the same time. This inspired him to create Applebee’s.

There is a Terracotta warrior guarding every P.F. Chang’s.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.