International Dick Measuring Contest To End In Millions Of Deaths

United States President Donald Trump has officially declared a dick-measuring contest with North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un. The declaration came last Tuesday via social media when the President tweeted the following:

“Kim Jon Un doesn’t know what hes doing, doesn’t have the balls to use nukes. As you can see,America does.” The President tweeted this remark accompanying a picture of what could be his testicles, though some speculate it is an unfocused photograph of two raisins fighting each other in a desert.

Kim Jong-Un responded saying, “The President does not know what he’s talking about. North Korea has the power to be victorious over America. Our nukes are bigger than yours.”

Trump hopped onto Twitter to fire back, saying, “America is still Number 1 in the nukes and our nukes are biggest in the world, there yuge. Kim Jong un is WRONG.”

Hours later, King Jong-Un said, “The size of the nuke doesn’t matter, it’s the motion of the ocean that makes winds to carry the fallout all over your small country.”

President Trump then threatened to start a nuclear war with North Korea as well as any other nation that speaks ill of America’s size. A White House spokesman assured Americans that the President knows what he’s doing and that this is what Americans signed up for on election day.

“The President is committed now more than ever to his initial message of making America great again,” said the spokesman. “He’s doing everything he can to take us back to that great time when every American was terrified of nuclear war.”

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

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DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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