10 Little Known Steps For The Presidential Impeachment Process

Within hours after President Trump was elected into office, Democrats have been teaming up with sane people across the country to figure out a way to legally remove Donald from the presidency. America comes closer to that goal as the Trump-Russia investigation uncovers new evidence, as well as each time Trump does literally anything. But what exactly does it take to impeach an individual from the highest seat of power in the free world? The following are 10 steps to the presidential impeachment process with which very few Americans are familiar.

 

1. At one point, a piece of paper with the President’s name is placed in front of a bald eagle. If the eagle eats the paper within 36 hours, the impeachment process continues.

2. The President will have to take part in a game of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” in order to determine whether or not he still gets to wear the Truman Boxers during the proceedings.

3. Trump will have to turn in his badge and his gun, and might never get them back.

4. The Supreme Court will probably have to do something or whatever.

5. The President will be asked to recite the Constitution backwards while touching his nose.

6. Every legislator calling for impeachment must give a video testimonial explaining why they think the President should be voted off the island.

7. If impeachment proceedings begin, Trump will have to write a 200-word essay on why he should be president.

8. Each of Trump’s key advisors will have to speak to Trump’s character after being reassured that they’re in a safe space where no one can hear them.

9. Every political impeachment, presidential or otherwise, must be cleared with the Illuminati first.

10. The CIA will have to hire Leonardo DiCaprio to enter the President’s dreams and extract classified information, although this procedure might be waived because Trump has already tweeted most of it.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

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DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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12 Reasons to Hate Christmas

Last week we looked at some reasons why we should all enjoy the Christmas season, but in the last seven days Circus Killer feels as though Christmas has turned on us. Here some reasons to hate the season:

 

1. Lying to young children is mandatory.

2. Getting guilted into attending church.

3. All shopping malls are converted into refugee camps.

4. Last three paychecks all go to purchasing gift cards.

5. Not knowing what greeting to use for ethnically confusing coworkers.

6. Niceness.

7. Ogling at decorations is a leading cause of suburban car accidents.

8. Awkward annual phone call with relative whose name you don’t quite remember.

9. Disney’s massive erection.

10. Candy canes are a heartless jape at the geriatric.

11. Incessant playing of hackneyed jingles that were used by the CIA to torture suspected terrorists.

12. Lasts 30 days.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.