12 Tips For Exceptional Dental Hygiene

Taking care of your teeth is a lot like living in a storage unit after your wife leaves you for your younger brother; nobody wants to do it, but it’s something we all have to go through. Brushing and flossing is easy once you get into the routine, but if you’re like most Americans, you don’t have time to clean your teeth because you’re too busy cleaning your guns. If you’re falling behind on your dental hygiene then check out these 12 tips on how to get back into it.

 

1. Go to sleep each night with leeches covering your teeth. They’ll suck out the bacteria and leave your mouth fresh with the stench of death each morning.

2. You can protect your teeth by coating them with insulation before each meal.

3. Avoid eating.

4. Preemptively get rid of your cavities by injecting hot metal into your teeth, or however that works.

5. Use a stick instead of a toothbrush. Nature is always healthy.

6. Construct an army of highly advanced nanobots that use lasers to blast away any plaque or tartar that might be building up in those hard-to-reach crevasses.

7. At the end of every day, pull out each of your teeth individually, and rigorously polish them. Then simply superglue them back in before going to sleep.

8. Coffee, tea, soda, and other drinks that give you energy are all bad for your teeth. Avoid them altogether and use less harmful cocaine for your morning stimulant.

9. Have all your teeth replaced with pearls. You won’t need to maintain them anymore and you’ll always look like a princess.

10. Date a dental hygienist to get free work done every week. There’s nothing more romantic than being poked with needles and then asked to spit.

11. Use uranium-enriched floss. Bacteria cannot survive in an irradiated environment.

12. Chewing gum can actually be good for your teeth. Chocolate can be good for your teeth as well, but it’s the sugar in both that do the real harm. Tell yourself little lies like this to free yourself of any guilt.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

Want to be a part of this site? Click here to learn how to contribute.

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

Advertisements

Killer Advice #11 – How Do I Fake My Own Death?

Heya ladies!! Happy thursday and well come back to a nother addition of Killer Advice with me, Brittany von Beuren!

Last week I covered a very serious topic about how to deal with a stalker, and in it I mentioned that sometimes its best just to fake yout own death. Ive been getting alot of questions all week about how to do that so today im just gonna go over the best ways you can do that.

 

So the first think you need todo is should be to get rid of suspistion by doing somthing that noone would do if they new they would soon die. So somthing like getting a new car or adopting a kid are great things to do before yuo dissapeer becos peeple will see that an think oh well she wanted to take care of those things and thats y she got em so somthin musthave hapend to her. Becose usualy peeple will wanto take every thing witth em when ever they want to go a way four ever.

Next your gonna half to think of the way your gonna do it. Fire always works best for me ive found cos thy can only identefy you buy teeth then. Just ripout a few and you should be good, I ript out all mine a few years ago an keep them in a bag so if i ever hav to disappeer again I can jsut burn down an apart ment builsing or hospittal or somthin and skatter afew of them around. Im not ugly tho!! I blew some dentist to give me new ones lol

Lasly jus make sure you have sumwear to go. Alotta peeple get cot becos they just head for the high way or a trane an get help form a frend in a nother city. But the police and the feds look in those places and inter view all your closest ppl so you gotta keep them in the dark unles your shore they wont rat out on you. Also dont be a fraid!! Its not hard to make it in a new city aslong as your willing to get mean, dirty and things put in to your body.

 

Thats it for this week! I hope all you ladies in need of a new start found this helpful. Be sure to keep asking your questions in the commets here or on my own Twitter. until then, have a lovely week! Bye!! 🙂 ❤

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd
By Brittany von Beuren: @BrittyBeuren

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.