10 Common Dreams And What They Mean

Dreams are one of the most peculiar functions of the human brain. People will often look for complex or even mystical meanings behind their dreams, but dreams are much simpler than people make them out to be. This is because every function of the human body, including dreams, relates to sex, food, death, and nothing else.

 

Flying – Flying, floating, and levitating are all very common dreams. Some people even claim to feel the sensation that they’re flying when they’re awake and on an airplane. If you have a dream that you can fly, it probably just means you have gas.

Falling – Unlike flying dreams, falling is when you’re plummeting through the air and have no control over it. Falling dreams mean that your spouse is having an affair with their sky diving instructor.

Teeth Falling Out – Dreams about losing teeth, hair, pancreases, and other body parts are common among people who are stressed out. These dreams usually mean that a spider is crawling into your open mouth at that very moment.

Back In High School – This is one of the most common dreams for people in their thirties. If you recently had a dream that you were back in high school then the person you lost your virginity to has just died.

Sex Dream – Though it’s a common mistake, sex dreams actually have nothing to do with sex. They usually just mean you’re a terrible, wicked human being and that you desperately need Jesus in your life.

Being Chased By Something – These are more like nightmares than dreams. Some scientists say that they are a precursor to paranoia, but others believe they are due to mind control microwaves that the government is blasting into your home from that unmarked van across the street.

Getting Your Mind Hacked Into – These aren’t dreams, they’re memories. You’ve been incepted.

Your Own Death – Many people have dreams about when and how they will die, but these dreams are almost never accurate. In truth, dreams about your own death mean that you’re pregnant, or have just gotten someone pregnant.

Someone Else’s Death – Unlike dreaming about your own death, this type of dream is completely real. Start saying your goodbyes.

William H. Macy – Humans have been having dreams about William H. Macy for thousands of years. Scientists still don’t know what these dreams signify.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

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DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

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12 Tips For Exceptional Dental Hygiene

Taking care of your teeth is a lot like living in a storage unit after your wife leaves you for your younger brother; nobody wants to do it, but it’s something we all have to go through. Brushing and flossing is easy once you get into the routine, but if you’re like most Americans, you don’t have time to clean your teeth because you’re too busy cleaning your guns. If you’re falling behind on your dental hygiene then check out these 12 tips on how to get back into it.

 

1. Go to sleep each night with leeches covering your teeth. They’ll suck out the bacteria and leave your mouth fresh with the stench of death each morning.

2. You can protect your teeth by coating them with insulation before each meal.

3. Avoid eating.

4. Preemptively get rid of your cavities by injecting hot metal into your teeth, or however that works.

5. Use a stick instead of a toothbrush. Nature is always healthy.

6. Construct an army of highly advanced nanobots that use lasers to blast away any plaque or tartar that might be building up in those hard-to-reach crevasses.

7. At the end of every day, pull out each of your teeth individually, and rigorously polish them. Then simply superglue them back in before going to sleep.

8. Coffee, tea, soda, and other drinks that give you energy are all bad for your teeth. Avoid them altogether and use less harmful cocaine for your morning stimulant.

9. Have all your teeth replaced with pearls. You won’t need to maintain them anymore and you’ll always look like a princess.

10. Date a dental hygienist to get free work done every week. There’s nothing more romantic than being poked with needles and then asked to spit.

11. Use uranium-enriched floss. Bacteria cannot survive in an irradiated environment.

12. Chewing gum can actually be good for your teeth. Chocolate can be good for your teeth as well, but it’s the sugar in both that do the real harm. Tell yourself little lies like this to free yourself of any guilt.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra
Additional, unrelated news: @actlnews

Want to be a part of this site? Click here to learn how to contribute.

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.