12 Ways To Extend Your Phone’s Battery Life

The world of technology brings as many pains as it does pleasures. We all have experience being right in the middle of a text or an episode of a show or an important call telling us where to leave the ransom money when our phone shuts down from low battery, shutting down our lives as well. Check out these 12 tips on expanding the power of your phone’s battery to make sure your tech-enhanced life doesn’t stop.

 

1. The human body creates enough energy in one hour to power your phone for a lifetime. Remove one of your eyes so that you can stick a USB charger into your open eye socket.

2. Play mobile games while sitting on the toilet instead of everywhere all the time constantly.

3. Microwaving your phone for six minutes can give it enough energy for six hours.

4. Send your phone up into space and let it absorb the sun’s radiation. Your phone will charge fully as well as be imbued with super powers.

5. A virus on your mobile phone might always be running in the background, which drains battery life. To combat this, download a security program that will always be running in the background to check for viruses.

6. Replace your phone battery with a car battery.

7. Bury a human bone, a crow’s feather, and a picture of Robert Johnson at the center of a crossroads. Wait there until midnight and a demon will appear. You can sell the demon your phone’s soul in exchange for unlimited battery life.

8. Turn your brightness all the way down and just guess at what you’re typing.

9. Surgically implant an electric eel’s organs into your body so that you can produce your own electricity. Your phone will charge while you’re holding it.

10. Keep your phone in a freezer when you’re not using it. Your battery level will freeze at whatever percentage it was when you put it in.

11. Use your home computer to watch porn instead of watching it on your phone in the subway at full volume.

12. Free yourself from the shackles of a technologically intrusive society by casting your phone into the sea. The saltwater will preserve your phone’s battery life and you’ll get to live off the grid.

 

Written by J. S. Wydra: @jswydra

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DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

9 Facts About Rabbits That Will Shock You

Rabbits are God’s fuzziest creatures but are often shrouded in mystery. Despite what you think you may know about rabbits, there are a number of strange well-kept secrets about them that may surprise you. Here are 9 of the most unexpected and remarkable things you need to know about rabbits.

 

1. Rabbits are at the top of their food chain. The belief that they’re not is part of an elaborate conspiracy created to trick their prey into a false sense of security.

2. Bunnies can use their ears to pick up most FM and AM radio frequencies.

3. Rabbits were the first mammals in space. There were a total of 4 rabbit-only space missions before FASTA (the Furry Aeronautics and Space-Time Administration) was defunded.

4. Thomas Edison did not invent the light bulb. It was invented by a very smart bunny who never patented her design.

5. Rabbits can hear the thoughts of humans; they just don’t care enough to react.

6. Bunnies are responsible for some of our society’s most well-known dance movies, including the “hoppy stop,” the “sniffy shake” and the “hare twist.”

7. A total of six bunnies have been nominated for an Oscar, but only one of them has ever won. It was the “Best Actor” award in 1992, and was given to Buttons Washington for his starring role in “Forrest Rump.”

8. A rabbit’s bushy tail is called a “fluffpluffer” and can be used to attract mates, ward off enemies and construct large wooden three-masted sailing ships.

9. If you rub two rabbits together for more than 3 minutes, nothing will happen and you are a very strange person.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
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By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.