Factual Friday

10 Bizarre Facts You Won’t Believe About DC Superheroes

circuskiller Entertainment, Factual Friday , , , , , , , ,

Last week we ran a piece about 10 Bizarre Facts You Won’t Believe About Marvel Superheroes.  The strangeness doesn’t stop there,  however,  as Marvel’s biggest competitor is not without its own character quirks.  Here are 10 of the strangest qualities about superheroes from the DC Comics universe.

 

1. The Flash had a female counterpart called “The Lady Flash,” however her comic was banned for nudity despite its unparalleled success.

2. Supergirl is actually Superman’s cousin. Krypto the Superdog is Superman’s uncle.

3. The Martian Manhunter is a shape-shifter who could lose the weight anytime he wants to. He’s just doesn’t want to right now.

4. Zatanna dresses like a stripper dressed as a magician to trick her enemies. In reality, she is an actual magician.

5. Before women’s suffrage, Wonder Woman was the Justice League’s secretary.

6. In the comics, Aquaman is the King of Atlantis. He often teams up with The Human Claus, King of the North Pole.

7. Black Canary’s main power is a supersonic screech, so she’s useless in space.

8. Batman doesn’t actually have any superpowers. His alter ego, Bruce Wayne, is just a billionaire who uses gadgets to fight crime in his decrepit city.

9. Green Arrow doesn’t actually have any superpowers. His alter ego, Oliver Queen, is just a billionaire who uses gadgets to fight crime in his decrepit city.

10. Cyborg was born half human and half machine. His father was a prominent computer technician and software developer, and his mother was a ’92 IBM computer.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

10 Bizarre Facts You Won’t Believe About Marvel Superheroes

circuskiller Entertainment, Factual Friday , , , , , , , ,

Marvel movies are consistently the highest grossing films every year, however few people still take the time to read the comics. Many of these characters have been around for 50 years or more and have taken some pretty strange turns in that time. Here are our 10 favorite bizarre facts about the characters of the Marvel universe.

 

1. Spider-Man’s only weakness is all pesticides.

2. Wolverine had his skeleton replaced with the strongest metal in existence and his blood replaced with diet soda.

3. Each member of the Fantastic Four has their own sidekick, which together form the Quiescent Cuatro.

4. Apparently Iron Man’s superpower is never calling you back even though he said he would and that he enjoyed being with you and just… ugh, he’s just such an asshole.

5. Dr. Doom received his doctorate in Contemporary French Poetry.

6. Captain America is a white supremacist.

7. Bruce Banner turned into The Incredible Hulk when his experiments to find a cure for erectile dysfunction went horribly wrong.

8. Gambit only helps out the X-Men when he regains control over his gambling addiction.

9. The Silver Surfer always finishes in second place.

10. Professor Xavier lost the use of his legs during a skiing accident.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

12 Tips for Flying

circuskiller Factual Friday, Travel , , , ,

Flying is the safest and fastest way to travel,  however it’s also the most stressful.  Getting to your flight and having to deal with the oddities of fellow passengers can be a vexing experience that nobody looks forward to.  If you plan on flying in the future,  refer to these tips for the most relaxing,  stress-free flying experience possible.

 

1. Many believe it is ideal to arrive at the airport 2-3 hours before your flight. This is unnecessary, however, since your flight will probably be delayed by at least 2-3 hours.

2. Airlines no longer serve food so make sure you purchase something in the terminal to eat on the plane. The smell of greasy fast food and $8.00 coffee might agitate your fellow flyers, but that’s their fault for having nostrils.

3. “Stewardess” is no longer a politically correct term and comes across as sexist. The acceptable terms are “air hostess,” “peanut lady,” or “flying beverage wench.”

4. Masturbation does not get you into the “Mile High Club,” it gets you arrested.

5. Turning off your phone is always safer, but leaving it on and texting during take off makes the plane go faster, so you know, whatever.

6. Most flights will let you pay a small fee to watch a film on your headrest monitor, so look forward to that if you’re in one of the three seats on the plane with a working headrest monitor.

7. Make sure to talk to the people sitting next to you to make their flight as bad as yours.

8. Applaud when the plane lands so that everyone knows you’ve never flown before.

9. If you’re a nervous flyer, try periodically screaming in terror as loud as you possibly can in order to calm yourself down.

10. Smoking is not allowed on any aircraft. Cigarettes are fine, though.

11. When you pass through security you will be required to remove your shoes, belt, shirt, hat, pants, socks and anything else you might be wearing, so it’s best to simply arrive at the airport completely nude.

12. Children will annoy everyone so it’s best to check them when you collect your boarding passes.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

9 Facts About Rabbits That Will Shock You

circuskiller Factual Friday , , , , ,

Rabbits are God’s fuzziest creatures but are often shrouded in mystery. Despite what you think you may know about rabbits, there are a number of strange well-kept secrets about them that may surprise you. Here are 9 of the most unexpected and remarkable things you need to know about rabbits.

 

1. Rabbits are at the top of their food chain. The belief that they’re not is part of an elaborate conspiracy created to trick their prey into a false sense of security.

2. Bunnies can use their ears to pick up most FM and AM radio frequencies.

3. Rabbits were the first mammals in space. There were a total of 4 rabbit-only space missions before FASTA (the Furry Aeronautics and Space-Time Administration) was defunded.

4. Thomas Edison did not invent the light bulb. It was invented by a very smart bunny who never patented her design.

5. Rabbits can hear the thoughts of humans; they just don’t care enough to react.

6. Bunnies are responsible for some of our society’s most well-known dance movies, including the “hoppy stop,” the “sniffy shake” and the “hare twist.”

7. A total of six bunnies have been nominated for an Oscar, but only one of them has ever won. It was the “Best Actor” award in 1992, and was given to Buttons Washington for his starring role in “Forrest Rump.”

8. A rabbit’s bushy tail is called a “fluffpluffer” and can be used to attract mates, ward off enemies and construct large wooden three-masted sailing ships.

9. If you rub two rabbits together for more than 3 minutes, nothing will happen and you are a very strange person.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

12 Tips for Surviving the Cold

circuskiller Factual Friday, Weather , , , , , ,

The United States is entering one of the worst cold snaps on record.  Many regions will experience temperatures in the negatives with wind gusts of up to 60 miles an hour.  If you’re worried about the cold weather as much as we are,  read these 12 tips for surviving this harsh weekend.

 

1. Your car heater might not be enough during your daily commute,  so bring some logs to generate small fires in your car.

2. Take a vacation to Florida and experience the tropical 45-degree weather.

3. Power may go out so be sure to charge your pacemaker.

4. Snow acts as an excellent insulator,  be sure to leave all your doors and windows open to collect as much of it as possible.

5. Extra clothing always helps so put on some pants when you get home.

6. Keep your sinks and bathtubs flowing with hot water.  This will prevent the pipes from freezing.

7. Electric blankets are a great source of heat and infertility.

8. If you get trapped out in the elements,  don’t be afraid to cut open your Tauntaun and hide its body until the cold passes.

9. Think about warm places like Syria and Iraq.

10. Hibernate.

11. Wear a bikini when you go out.  You might catch nature off guard.

12. Snuggle up with someone to keep warm.  If you’re single,  live alone and leave your home often,  write your address in the comments section below.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

The 18 Most Interesting Moments in the Life of Brian Williams

circuskiller Celebrities, Factual Friday , , , , ,

Recently,  NBC news anchor Brain Williams claimed to be in a US military helicopter when it crashed in Iraq.  The claim turned out to be false,  leading to an investigation in some of Williams’ other reports,  including his coverage of Hurricane Katrina.  The reporter’s life,  however,  is apparently full of astonishing stories that can be found in his autobiography,  “The Life of Brian.”  Here are 18 of the more interesting incidents from Williams’ life.

 

1. Shadowed Seal Team 6 on the night Osama bin Laden was killed.

2. Physically tore down the Berlin wall.

3. Played one of the penguins featured in  “March of the Penguins.”

4. Beat the Elite Four in  “Pokémon: Silver edition”  in under six hours.

5. Became the first of two people to have sex in space (along with his co-pilot Jennifer Aniston).

6. Inspired the events depicted in  “Taken 3.”

7. Wrote Tina Turner’s  “What’s Love Got to Do with It.”

8. Met Bruce Wayne at a charity function some years ago.

9. Won The Voice.

10. Rode to Lexington,  Massachusetts,  to warn Samuel Adams and John Hancock that the British were coming.

11. Once hunted ghosts with Dan Aykroyd,  Harold Ramis and  “A Black One.”

12. Broke up with Taylor Swift,  inspiring five of her songs.

13. Rescued those hostages at Nakatomi Plaza.

14. Was the first to report on the death of Julius Caesar.

15. Founded Starbucks.

16. Survived the Death Star explosion.

17. Died on the cross for the sins of mankind.

18. Reported the news on NBC.

Brian Williams also claimed to have created the internet and buried Jimmy Hoffa,  but Al Gore has come forward claiming responsibility for both of these things.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

The 7 Elements of a Perfect Super Bowl Party

circuskiller Entertainment, Factual Friday , , , ,

The Super Bowl is this Sunday, which means many Americans across the country will be hosting parties for friends, family members and neighbors. We at Circus Killer understand how stressful and nerve-wracking hosting your first Super Bowl party can be, especially if you’ve never quite followed the sport. If it sounds like you might be in this situation, check out this foolproof guide for hosting the perfect Super Bowl party.

 

Food: Snack foods are a must. Supermarkets will be jam-packed this weekend with other game day shoppers, so make sure you bring a switchblade or other concealable weapon to the store with you.

Beverages: Getting wasted is about the only thing that makes overgrown men running into each other for an oblong ball fun to watch. We recommend procuring about 1 keg per person, however do NOT serve wine. Any seasoned football fan will tell you that wine is for Europeans, self-righteous housewives and Bar Mitzvahs.

Equipment: The big game is meaningless without a big TV. Avoid hosting a Super Bowl party if your television is 196 inches or smaller.

Superstition: Many football fans are superstitious, so don’t feel uncomfortable if a guest shows up wearing old, unwashed “lucky” underwear. You might also consider borrowing a friend’s pair of old, unwashed “lucky” underwear so that people know you’re serious about the game’s outcome.

Women: Women play an important role every Super Bowl in that they serve food, drinks, and watch children, so make sure you have a few of those lying around.

In-House Entertainment: Domestic abuse is as much an American institution as the Super Bowl itself, so make sure your party has at least one violently alcoholic sports fanatic so things get out of hand at some point. For an increased experience, you might want to invite two people of this profile who are rooting for different teams.

Activities: Sometimes people like to celebrate the Super Bowl by playing some backyard football before the game begins. If you’re so socially defunct that you need a guide to tell you how to host a party, chances are you’re not up to that kind of physical activity or social pressure. Try breaking an arm or a rib before Sunday so you have a valid excuse to get out of this sort of game.

 

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

The Bizarre Truth Behind 12 Famous Company Mascots

circuskiller Business, Factual Friday , , ,

Company mascots are always fun and engaging but sometimes they’re not as lighthearted as we think.  Here are 12 of the most famous company mascots and the strange truth behind their past and/or creation:

 

The Geico gecko has an anthropology degree from Oxford University.  He only started acting to help feed a drug addiction that he has since kicked.

The M&M’s company holds the world record for the “Most Racially Diverse Mascot Spokespeople Who Are Also Edible.”

Ronald McDonald is the product of a botched sex change operation.

The little girl on Coppertone sunscreen products grew up to be a stripper.

In the late 1960s, Aunt Jemima was a high-ranking member of the Black Panthers.

Mr. Clean is only 24 years old.  He only looks like a cartoonish old man after being exposed to low levels of radiation while growing up near Chernobyl.

The Pillsbury Doughboy shares an ancestor with Ted Bundy.

Allstate’s Dennis Haysbert was conceived in 2004 and later animated by the same people who created Pepsi’s Brittany Spears.

The red liquid inside the Kool-Aid man isn’t Kool-Aid, it’s human blood.

Tony the Tiger is a former Black Water mercenary with a confirmed 56 kills under his belt.

Chester Cheetah, also known as “The Cheetos Guy,” has never eaten a single Cheeto. He’s allergic to both danger and extremeness.

In the early 1950s,  a young man was abducted while wondering down an empty road at night after having just fought with his parents.  The young man’s abductor was an insane and disgraced surgeon who took the adolescent to an abandoned warehouse where he liked to perform sick experiments on animals and unsuspecting vagrants.  That night,  the surgeon completed one of his experiments that until then had failed dozens of times;  he removed the young man’s brain and successfully placed it within the body of a cow.  The young man then managed to break free and kill the surgeon but was trapped inside of a cow’s body.  After years,  the young man accepted his fate but sought vengeance further.  Two years later,  he opened the first “Chick-fil-a” restaurant,  for that evil,  insane surgeon that had ruined his life and turned him into a freak forever…  was a chicken.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

5 Amazing Films That Were Snubbed Out of Oscar Nominations

circuskiller Entertainment, Factual Friday , , , ,

2014 was an amazing year for film, but many of the year’s best were not recognized by the Academy. Here are 5 movies you should see that were cheated out of Oscar nominations.

 

Title: Carts
Synopsis: This animated feature about Harry the Shopping Cart touched the hearts of families across the world. Harry is tired of being pushed around at his grocery store, and when an opportunity arises for Harry to move to a megastore he rolls around out of joy. But this new job isn’t what it seems… soon Harry finds himself missing his grocery store pals and after a few mistakes and misadventures he learns about the true power of friendship. This film set the record for most times the phrase “pushed around” was used.

 

Title: Civil Rights Movie
Synopsis: From the people who brought you Lincoln, 12 Years a Slave, The Butler, and Selma, comes this biopic of another Civil Rights activist whose life was greatly impacted by racism and discrimination at some point in America’s history before Obama was elected, but who ultimately overcomes these obstacles and helps to change America’s thinking on the topic of race. Through the story of one person’s life, “Civil Rights Movie” shines a light on the harsher reality of racism in America that we are only reminded of when it’s Oscar season or when the police are in the news.

 

Title: The Sister of the Christ
Synopsis: Zooey Deschanel stars in this dramatic retelling of Jesus’ twin sister Jebra Christ who has the same abilities as her brother but whose second X chromosome forbids her from being accepted among the ancient Jewish people. Jebra attempts to overcome sexual discrimination and take her rightful place as the co-savior of the human race while constantly having to avoid being stoned to death. This feminist masterpiece uncovers the truth behind the Christ family and tells us that we can achieve the respect of our ignorant peers, even if we have amazing breasts.

 

Title: Whispers of Freedom
Synopsis: An American soldier fighting for freedom in Afghanistan is the best soldier in his squad, but when we learn halfway through that his son died and his wife has cancer we start to realize that this soldier is just like the rest of us only he actually gets to shoot people. As he fights to protect our freedom and sovereignty America Ford rights of the liberty with Declaration united drone strike freedom for the troops one nation under God for the star-spangled sovereignty nation America. Amen.

 

Title: Windex Woman
Synopsis: Wilma Whittle was an average cleaning lady at a Best Western, but when she accidentally spills a bottle of radioactive Windex on herself, Wilma discovers she has the incredible ability to keep surfaces clean and free of most germs using only her bare hands. Wilma’s powers are soon put to the test when an evil force unmasks itself and a plot to create smudges on the surfaces of the Guatemalan ambassador’s hotel furniture emerges. Wilma will have to learn how to control her powers and accept the responsibility that the Fates of Cleanliness have given her.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
By Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.

Vice President Joe Biden’s Top 10 Sexiest Moments of 2014

circuskiller Factual Friday, Politics , , , , ,

Circus Killer appears to be the only news outlet that recognizes Joe Biden as the heartthrob sex-machine that he is.  In an effort to bring the real Biden to light,  we compiled a list of the Vice President’s sexiest moments in the year 2014.  You’re welcome.

 

Jan 10 – Restored a ’63 Chevy on White House lawn shirtless.

Jan 24 – Pointed, smiled and winked at a female reporter who then fainted.

Feb 12 – Nursed family of abandoned, dying lion cubs back to health after their mother was killed by poachers.

Apr 4 – Stopped a tsunami from decimating the west coast after 30-minute dialogue with Pacific Ocean.

May 1 – Grilled over six thousand burgers while giving keynote speech at University of Delaware graduation ceremony.

Jun 14 – Became only human being in history to look attractive in American flag themed leather jacket.

Jul 30 – Out-drank Putin.

Aug 22 – Avenged the mother of those lion cubs from February.

Oct 4 – Solved more cases in one week than any other Vice Presidents on the force.

Nov 18 – Made dinner.

 

Circus Killer News: @circuskillernws
Circus Killer: @circuskillerprd | Ask.fm
Written by Jacob S. Wydra: @jswydra
Research by Brittany von Beuren: @BrittyBeuren

DISCLAIMER: Circus Killer News is a faux news blog. None of the stories on this site should be taken seriously or literally.